saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
