I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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