I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
