so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
