Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
