I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
