yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
