too bad you live with your parents still
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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