Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
