i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
