Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
