If i come over, it means nothing
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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