i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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