It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
