If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
