Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
