I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
