Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
