im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
