saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
