Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
