you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
