So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
