She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
