We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i drank out of a bidet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The power of my boobs compel you
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
