And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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