Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
