I accidentally burped into my bong.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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