I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
