I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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