Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
