is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
