I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
