Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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