Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
