i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
