I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
