This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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