When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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