I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
