I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
