I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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