I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
