I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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