I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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