u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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