I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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