We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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