He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
