You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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